​What to Grab from Your Closet

Basic Pirate Essentials (All Genders)

• Loose, billowy tops: peasant blouses, poet shirts, or oversized button-downs

• Vests or corsets: anything that laces, cinches, or screams “I make dramatic entrances”

• Pants or skirts: wide-leg trousers, tattered hems, striped leggings, or flowing layered skirts

• Boots: knee-high, ankle, or anything leather-ish and stompy

• Sashes and scarves: tied around the waist, head, or even diagonally across the chest like you’re smuggling secrets

 

Accessories to Plunder

• Belts galore — wear multiple, unevenly slung

• Fake weapons — foam swords, plastic daggers, or a suspiciously shaped breadstick

• Jewelry — gold hoops, layered chains, brooches, rings on every finger (bonus points for one that “has a curse”)

• Bandanas or tricorn hats — or both, if you’re extra

• Eyepatch — especially effective if worn dramatically even without any visual impairment

• Parrot prop — stuffed animal, puppet, or duct-taped chicken nugget with feathers

 

Hair & Makeup

 

For All Pirates:

• Smudged eyeliner — the universal mark of a pirate who’s either been crying or battling sea monsters

• Bronzer or dirt smudges — look like you’ve been swabbing decks, even if you’ve just been swiping apps

• Hair —

  • Messy, beachy, or dreadlocked with beads, thread, or braids

  • Add trinkets: fake coins, shells, or bones (or just hairpins that look suspicious)

 

Pirate Types & Vibes

Pirate Type = Costume Twist

The Swashbuckler= Ruffled shirt, saber, confident stance, and a quote for every fight

The Sea Witch= Dark colors, shells, dramatic eyeliner, whisper curses in rhyming couplets

The Rum-Fueled Deckhand= Stained clothes, flask, off-key singing, possibly asleep

The Fancy Privateer= Velvet coat, neatly tied cravat, monocle or snuff box, “I steal legally” energy

The Shipless Liar= Over-the-top costume, zero nautical knowledge, tells tall tales at every tavern

The Ghost Pirate= Pale makeup, seaweed details, glowing eyes (or glow sticks behind sunglasses)

 

How to Behave Like a Pirate

 

Mannerisms:

• Swagger when walking — like the sea’s always beneath you

• Gesture grandly with your tankard or sword

• Laugh too loudly at your own jokes

• Occasionally shout “LAND HO!” even when inside a Target

 

Sayings to Drop Casually:

• “Aye, I’ve pillaged better outfits from a laundry line.”

• “Dead men tell no tales… but I will if you bring snacks.”

• “That’s Captain Fabulous to you.”

• “I didn’t lose the map. I strategically hid it from myself.”

• “Don’t touch my booty — the gold or the glutes.”